Monday, April 16, 2012

Run, You Fools! 7 Signs That a Game, Movie or TV Show Will Suck!

It is already pretty hard to decide which games to buy, movies to go or TV shows to keep an eye for. Critics aren't that helpful, opinions on the internet can vary very widely, many games have no demos and videos hardly make justice to the games. So, how do you know that the game is going to be bad? Well, here are some tips from experience.

7. The game have ONLY hot girls in it:

Games like Rumble Roses and Dead Or Alive Paradise have a bunch of virtual chicks with minimum garments. Those games are regarded as pretty awful to so-so when you ignore the bikini babes and concentrate on what matters, like gameplay. I am not saying that hot virtual girls are a bad thing (I believe there is a place for them), but if all videos and pics you find just show the girls doing... well, sexy stuff, than is better being weary about it.

This goes for movies an TV shows too. If all you see about it, from posters to trailers are chicks with (or without) sexy outfits, something may be wrong with it. Really, if you want to see some boobies, go to the internet.

6. The Game have no demo and Movie don't have previews:

The game haven't released a demo? It is like a movie without previous screening to the critics. There is many games who have no demo, but they usually are for games from established franchises and so they are well know by the community. Movies and TV shows who doesn't have previews also tries to hide something and win some cash on the opening week from incautious people.

If this happens, better wait for word of mouth than compromising time and/or money with something that you may not like at all.

5. It is a licensed product:

A game turned movie or a movie turned games usually comes with the same result: goddamn awful. The reason by that is that is hard to make the move from a certain media, where a lot of things that make sense there to another media where those same things become ridiculous. Movies turned in games usually have a problem of time constraint, with the game being developed faster than usual.

The other way around, movies based in games usually lands in incompetent (usually German) director with low budget and with a script barely based in the game, usually more names and visuals than story based. So, if you have seem those characters somewhere else, better avoid it.

4. It is a spin-off:

Of course, I am not saying that spin-offs cannot be good. But they usually aren't. The problem here is that many spin-offs are trying to cash in the main series, using the popularity of the originals to try to have a better start. But they many times forget to why the main series was successful and ended up being completely different than the original.

Take The Lone Gunmen, a spin-off of popular The X-Files. It failed because it was more of a comedy show than a sci-fi mystery, leaving all the good bits of the original show and delivering a disappointing series who failed to live up to its origins.

3. The original cast/makers aren't involved:

The original cast is not there. The producers and directors aren't there. The writers aren't there. If a sequel have basically no one involved in it who made the previous, successful entries, this is a very good sign that the sequel will hardly be in the same level of the ones who came before. 

Even if they have more money to invest in the production, they usually have less soul, as the minds behind them left for one reason or another. Be specially skeptical if the writer and/or director have changed. They are usually the main reason a movie/game/show is good.

2. 'From the same producers' usually means 'not as good':

The function of a producer is usually to hire the cast, the director, rise money, find locations and such things. Many producers are really good and can make several great movies. But when the main line in a poster/cover/ad is that is 'from the same producers', the chance of it being really good is not that big. It means that they needed some factoid to draw attention to the product they are trying to sell.

1. It have a very dumb name:

I know, I know, games have some of the dumbest names ever (specially if they come from Japan), but this is more of a staple of the media. In case of movies and TV shows, stupid titles usually are used to draw attention to a stupid show/movie. If it contains the world 'extreme' somewhere or any kind of stupid phrase trying to describe it, it is probably a bad thing.

In case of games, it is harder to talk about the names. But usually games with generic titles weirdly similar to the names of previous, more successful series are the ones to avoid.

Of course, all things I said here have their exceptions to the rules. But the main rule to know if something is potentially a piece of crap should be how much and how well people talk about something. The more people talking good things, higher is the chance of hitting a jackpot.

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