Wednesday, March 21, 2012

7 Great Endings to Troll Mass Effect 3 'Fans'

So, apparently Bioware will give up and give the people complaining about ME3 endings what they want. i can't honestly say this is a good thing, because I don't think it is. People have all the right to dislike the endings, but demanding changing is plain wrong. The fun thing is that those are probably the same guys who complain about George Lucas changing his own movies. If I were from Bioware, I would take this opportunity to make all those people regret their demands. After charging $9.99 for the 'improved endings', that is what I would give them:

The South Park ending: After downloading the DLC, the game would load normally, but commander Shepard would die horribly random deaths from time to time. A huge piece of metal or random laser and explosions would kill him without previous warning, forcing players to restart from the last checkpoint... Which would be disabled, so they would need to restart from the last save file... that would be erased. So, they would need to restart the game;

The Groundhog Day ending: The mission would start normally, but near its end a bright light would take Sheppard to the beginning of the mission. And that would be done every time. The only way to escape it is to quit the game, as the menu would not load. Slight variations on talk would give hope that there is a way to escape the repetition. There would be none.

The All a Dream Ending: After the last interactive sequence, instead of the ending, you will see a live action sequence where Shepard wake in real world, with his/her phone ringing. His/her friend Gary (dubbed by Garrus voice actor) would invite Shepard to a party, and Shepard would comment the weird dream were Gary was an alien and they needed to save the universe.

The That is All Folks Ending: After the last interactive sequence, instead of the ending, you will see just a game over screen. Back to main menu. Scrap that. the Game Over screen would come at random.

The Poetic Ending: A stream of random short videos would play while a British actor would recite a random poem around. This would took for half an hour before the credits start. Back to the main menu.

The Fuck You Ending: A big Fuck You screen, while someone screams fuck you at the player would play after installing the DLC. Only restarting the console would make it stop.

The Nothing has Changed Ending: after hours downloading the huge DLC, you would play the game again. To discover nothing has changed. Because really, this is a bigger fuck you than the previous ending.

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